at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Randomize
