IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
