It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
