hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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