No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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