we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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