Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
