I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
