You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
