tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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