Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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