i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
