life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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