HIV tests are more positive than that guy
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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