there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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