consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
She even gives head with a lisp.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
