some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
