I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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