Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
