How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
