He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
