I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
