Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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