I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
