There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
