Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
