I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
