I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm too high and old for this...
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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