is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
