i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
