the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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