There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
