Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
