ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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