first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
