I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
