I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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