Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I have post one night stand depression
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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