he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
