I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Randomize
