I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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