After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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