I hope mine doesn't look like that
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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