i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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