So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
