I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
