So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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