Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
