I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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