Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
