It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
