That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
